How to Stop Self-Sabotaging and Achieve your Goals

health and wellbeing mindset personal development Jun 29, 2021
I had an intense two days coaching with a client of mine who has always had a problem of maintaining her weight after weight loss. I have been working with her since last year and things were looking up with her habits. But this changed due to lots of stress and the loss of her mum which left her broken and past habits creeping in.
Do you know what that’s called? self-sabotaging! Yes, that is what she was doing, and that’s why we decided on an intense two days coaching to look for the root cause. Because it all must have been coming from somewhere.
Self-sabotage is when one bit of your personality is arguing with another part of your personality. That is what I had to make her recognize first; that there was a part of herself that battled with another and she just couldn’t get past a certain point in her weight loss journey.
And this is how we delved deep to understand her streak for self-sabotage:
Tracing stuff back to childhood
What core values about herself did she establish in childhood?
What did she adapt or adopt to compensate for things that weren’t being met as a child?
Compensation strategies are needs that children aim to be met but parents don’t and so they find different ways to meet them.
We all have these strategies and there’s nothing wrong with them. But we have to be aware of them as we get older so they don’t lead us to stress.
Back to my client; she had it in her mind that she was a lesser being.
How you punish yourself
Punishment is when you get to a place where you achieve greatly but then you start sabotaging your success. It becomes a pattern of going round and round to old behaviours and patterns.
Maybe you’ve been struggling with weight loss for years and years without success, you need to ask yourself difficult questions like ‘why do I do that?’.
You’re probably asking yourself, is it possible for me to move past this conditioned pattern? The answer is YES! That is why I’m working with my client over the next couple of months to help undo this pattern and establish that she is enough. Let her know that her worth is not attached to her achievements.
I’ll be working with her to re-instil her self-belief- that she is enough.
The fear of success
I know this one might sound a little bit weird, but the fact that she doesn’t know what success looks like, her perception is- it’s going to be hard work. What I’ve found out is; you get scared of maintaining the new you and view it as the hardest thing ever, but you cannot live your old life with new behaviours and changes in your life. You view maintenance as a huge story that is mentally exhausting which then leads to self-sabotage.
How then did we work towards changing her behaviours daily to get her to feel good about herself again?
We turned her lifestyle into a holistic one. This does not only include whole foods and exercising, but it also includes daily journaling, meditating, and breathwork.
Can you believe she was very resistant to meditation? (I say this with a bit of sarcasm because I haven't worked with anyone who isn't at first !) But she has since downloaded a meditation tracker which has enabled her to meditate for a week which has given her mind a rest through all the craziness.
Don’t allow your mind to wander too far off. This can lead to feelings of anxiety and overwhelm, teach your mind to stay in the present as possible.
Stop procrastinating. I am the queen of procrastination! YES, it’s something I have struggled with but I’ve gotten way better at managing it. With my client, we had to break down to big things she procrastinates over like doing a morning routine and working out. It all boiled down to her ego!
Your ego is not a bad thing- its job is to protect you from danger. It attaches certain stories to help you but sometimes these stories are untrue and try to keep you in your comfort zone for ‘safety’. That is why she stayed in her comfort zone because her ego kept her from doing what she needed to achieve her weight loss.
We wrote a procrastination script that she keeps by her bed that she keeps on reading like a book before she sleeps. This stuff is like learning a new skill, you have to stay consistent until it becomes your behaviour. This has also become my behaviour!
Here are some questions I have for you, that you need to ask yourself if you want to get yourself out of procrastination and into action mode:
Name your voice. The voice that comes into your head when you can’t do anything- for my client’s it’s called Pam. Do not ignore it! Acknowledge it! And then ask yourself:
‘If I listen and give my attention to this voice, what is the outcome of this situation going to be?’
Then ask yourself:
Will this outcome help me succeed today and will this outcome make me feel good when my head hits the pillow tonight?
These questions will help you consciously aware of what the outcome of your decision is going to be and how you’re going to feel about yourself at the end of the day. This is an absolute gamechanger! Even some of my clients use it and can’t believe how powerful the process is- turning to those questions when excuses come up!
This is such a helpful way for you to establish yourself if you’ve been struggling with things in your life- it doesn’t have to be weight loss. You have to accept that you have to do the deeper work no matter how hard or and uncomfortable it might be if you want to succeed and get what you want out of life. Start looking inward and discover who you are and what is actually setting you back.
Remember you are not alone! You are not unsupported! And if you feel isolated and need someone to talk to, reach out to me so I can help:
Sending love to all


About the author

Hello you! I'm Sarah. I am the creator of The Secure and Confident Dater Program and the Foundational Love Blueprint. I am a qualified Dating and Relationship and Life Coach.

I live in London and I'm in a long-distance relationship with a wonderful guy in NYC!

You can find me at home or in coffee shops creating content for you across my various platforms (Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube), searching for vintage/retro gems!

 I created this blog to share with you my journey to thriving more than ever in my 40s. I want to give you everything I’ve learnt so you can learn how to become the most fun, happy confident version of yourself and live a life you love.

You can expect posts on dating, relationships, self-love, mind management, style & general life musings!

You can find out more about me & my work as a coach HERE.